Thursday, January 26, 2006

Molly Fox hates me, so my kids love her

My mom came over this evening bearing a most unusual gift: a box of precut frozen cookie dough (chocolate chunk! YUM!) and a boxed set of Molly Fox's Yoga DVDs. My four-year-old and I have been doing exercises in the morning, mostly stretches, so she was very excited to try an "exercise movie."

"Fair warning," my mother said. "Don't do that right after you've eaten a meal, or you'll definitely..."

"Throw up?" I volunteered.


After I let my cookies go down (what, like you wouldn't have immediately baked a batch?), Gina began clamoring for exercise. Why not? I popped in Yoga Stretches and Relaxes.

I immediately began to contemplate a lawsuit for false advertising. I may have been stretching (good grief, was I stretching!), but relaxing was not part of the deal. That woman, she made me do things...I don't think I can ever bend my knee the right way again. And it was all "Inhale and arms up and back, exhale to the prayer position, inhale to forward facing dog, exhale to plankton toes, inhale to cobra, exhale to knee chest chin, inhale to octopus legs, exhale to flapping butt." And that was just the first routine! (Which was repeated six times.) And let us not forget, all Ms. Fox's routines were developed for completely boobless women. Which I am not. Crazy bionic...nevermind. She has it out for me.

Yeah, I backed off after that, but the kids had a ball! Even the baby was laying on the floor with her legs in the air, or else trying to stand on her head. I sat back in the computer chair, admiring my children while trying not to be jealous of their flexibility. I remember being able to stretch like that. But I was content to ease my aching back while encouraging the girls to exercise "like the crazy lady."

And my mom was right about the food. Good thing I waited for my food to go down, or it could have been ugly.


Cowboy said...

How fun! Are those seriously positions (plankton toes, octopus legs, flapping butt, etc?)

Sleepless Mama said...

The plankton toes, octopus legs, and flapping butt are not real Yoga positions, but they might as well be. I tried to do more of that routine this morning, and Crazy Lady had me put my arms and legs in places I didn't think they could go.

The other yoga positions I listed were all real, including forward facing dog. Which, by the way, is NOT how my dog faces forward.