Insomniac Movie Review: Bad News Bears (the remake)

Bad News Bears, starring Billy Bob Thornton (the drunken coach), with Greg Kinnear (the jerk coach who cares more about winning than about including everyone or even rewarding kids for all their hard work with some acknowledgement) and Academy Award winner(!) Marcia Gay Harden (who plays the character that gets under your skin the most and clearly has no clue what is going on in the rest of the movie).

MPAA Rating: PG-13, and they aren't kidding about it, either

I'll be very honest with you.

It was funny. I won't deny that I laughed at it, in spite of (or because of) the fact that dead rats and possums were involved. But really, there are some things that just should not be encouraged. And letting a bunch of 12-year-old kids call each other and the adults around them "dickweed" and "assface" is one of those things.

This movie is designed to appeal to pubescent, smartalec boys, and to whatever demographic it is that pays money to see movies about children participating in team sports while compensating for inadequacy by swearing and fighting before they get around to actually practicing what it is they were so bad at in the first place. I don't know what that demographic is, exactly, but I suspect it is the parents of the pubescent, smartalec boys, who have to shlep their kids to the movie theater or video store. And, um, me. Because the trailer looked funny, but it didn't include the word "bitches." I was tricked, I tell you! I thought it was going to be a good family movie. My mistake, I realize, but I don't remember the original having quite this many curse words.

For this reason, I suggest that you not let your kids under 12 watch this movie. I also think my 14-year-old sis-in-law doesn't need to see this, since she's mouthy enough as it is, but it's not like this movie will teach her any new cuss words that she hasn't already learned in school. (Your taxes at work, folks.)

The rest of this is spoilery, so don't read if you don't want to be spoiled!

I also do not recommend it for under-12s because there are some women showing off serious cleavage. And because the coach sleeps with a player's mom (they don't show it, but they show the conversation that leads up to it, and the coach trying to sneak out the morning after). And you really don't want to explain that to your nine-year-old, why you're laughing when the Toby catches Coach leaving the house and Coach has to make up some excuse. You probably don't want to explain it to your 12-year-old, either, but you probably won't have to, since by that age they've already seen the fifth-grade movie and stolen Dad's dirty magazines that Mom didn't even know about, so they kind of already know what's going on.

So, yeah. Cussing. Cleavage. Drinking. Little League Baseball. Perfect for your teenage kids.