You know the usual MySpace survey questions: "What's your middle name?" "What were you doing last night?" "What's your favorite color?" "When are you going to be out of the house for longer than three hours?" "Where do you keep the spare key?" It gets weird. Here are some sample questions from an actual survey, along with my answers, all of which are true. (Yes, this is in fact a fluff post. Fuck off.)
1. When was the last time you shaved your legs?
Trust me, you don't want to know, and I can't really remember anyway. I've had a rough week, dammit.
4. What are you wearing?
After the leg shaving question, are you sure you even want to know? I didn't know you were into fuzzy-legged women. Should I get out the lingerie?
9. Do you have a crush on anyone?
Yeah, that hot guy from Supernatural, Jensen Ackles. If I had a list, he'd totally be on it. At the top, even.
10. Do you know the words to the song on your MySpace profile?
What kind of un-American asshat could love rock-n-roll and NOT know the lyrics to "Carry On My Wayward Son?"
11. Do you have any famous relatives?
No. Wait, yes I do! Wow, I forgot he was even famous. Man, I suck. Here he works so hard and travels all over the country, and I continue to think of him as the little boy who I used to get into fights with over nothing.
12. Have you ever had sex in a public place?
Why yes I did. And you know what? It was better AFTER his goods were stung by the jellyfish.
13. Have you ever made out in a public place?
Why does this question come AFTER the public sex question? Okay, here's a list: public library, movie theater, beach, by the pool table at a bar, arcade/go-kart place, park, another park, by a pond, zoo, in the street in front of my best friend's house, church parking lot, another church parking lot, a third church parking lot, Whataburger parking lot, museum parking lot, mall parking lot, Toys R Us parking lot, parking lot outside my boyfriend's apartment, parking lot of a chemical company, inside the building of the same chemical company, on a Metro bus, on a school bus, at a rodeo, in a pool, in the band hall, outside the band hall doors, outside the cafeteria doors, outside the door of my algebra class when I was supposed to be on a bathroom break... I think that's it. No, wait...
17. Are you good at math?
I'm a math genius, bitch!
19. Do you draw your name in the sand when you go to the beach?
Clearly I am otherwise occupied at the beach. (Meaning I am busy chasing the kids around. Get your mind out of the gutter!)
20. Have you ever been awake for 48 hours straight?
I think my record is 60 hours.
21. Do you like the ocean?
I've never been happy unless I've lived within an hour's drive from the sea. Which explains why the college years sucked.
22. Do you stay friends with your exes?
I never really see any of them. I'm not even sure where most of them live. And even if I did see them, there's only one who I straight up refuse to speak to. Even Notorious D.I.C. and I are on friendly, if guarded, terms.
25. Are any of your great-grandparents still alive?
Nope. The last one died years ago, may he burn in hell, that fucking pervert.
26. Where do you keep your change?
I KNEW you were trying to rob my house. I keep my change in the BANK, ASSCLOWN!
27. Who is the most awesome person in your life?
My kids are the two most awesome people in my life. Anyone who warns you that while you're driving you should be careful for other cars and ostriches is AWESOME.
28. Would you rather sleep with someone else or alone?
I'd always rather sleep with my husband. Unless he's in the doghouse. Then I like having the girls next to me. I miss the warmth of another person. Of course, in my husband's case it's more of a heat generator, but you get the idea.