The N Word

The other night at a family get-together, my aunt said something racist, even though she is not (to my knowledge) a racist. Then again, maybe my knowledge of her is not what I thought it was.

We were at the dinner table, just Aunt (age 42?), my cousin D (male, age 25) and me (age 27). The rest of the family were in various parts of Grandma's house, watching movies or playing with kids or whatever. Aunt said she was exhausted after a long week, because with the new bank merger her company is involved in, everybody who was not downsized suddenly has a lot to do. She said, "They've been making us work like niggaz."

I stopped, my fork in the air, and said nothing. I'm sure I had an ugly look on my face, but Aunt was sitting to my left, not across from me, so I don't know what she saw. I looked over at my cousin, who was sitting across from her. He also said nothing, but didn't pause as long as I did, and kept his countenance enough to keep eating.

My aunt was instantly embarrassed (I think), and said kind of meekly, "Excuse my language." Pause. Meek voice: "But it's true."

I am sure that my facial expression did not get any nicer. Cousin D, after swallowing his food, was able to continue the conversation by asking more specific questions about the merger and who'd been let go. I kept silent for a while.

First of all, I think it's ridiculous that a 42-year-old banker is using ANY words that end in a-z. Getting that out of the way, I wondered what the hell was going through my aunt's educated mind that she felt it would be okay to use the N word at the dinner table (even if most of the family had already finished dinner). And most of all, I wondered why saying, "But it's true," was supposed to excuse the use of the word. Why would it be "true?"

Perhaps she was using that word in place of "slaves." Slave is, I think, a word that can be used without necessarily sounding racist. I used to work at WalMart, but my friends and I all called it SlaveMart. It was not a racist comment, but more of a comment on the practices of management and of the corporation at large. But then why didn't Aunt just say slaves if that's what she meant? It certainly would have made for more comfortable dinner conversation and would have been highly effective at conveying her feelings about work.

Later I remembered an incident from my aunt's life that might possibly explain her derogatory attitude. As a direct result of the actions of a black nurse in the maternity ward, my aunt's guts came spilling out of her stitched-up (stapled?) body a few hours after her caesarian. She has never properly healed from this, and has always always ALWAYS blamed that black nurse who gave her an attitude, wouldn't listen, and chose to manhandle her instead of asking her what was going on or even reading the damn chart. So yeah, I can kind of see where some hostility might come in. On the other hand, that was one nurse, not an entire community of people.

Then something else happened that night. I was talking to cousin R (female, age 24), who is D's sister, and her friend N (female, same age). Their families grew up in the same neighborhood that Aunt (and all my father's immediate family) grew up in, the same neighborhood we were sitting in that night. And this poor Hispanic neighborhood (poor being subject to interpretation) is in close proximity to an equally poor black neighborhood of local fame. I'm talking about Fifth Ward, which, for all those who listened to rap music back in the early nineties, is home of the Geto Boys rapper Willie D. (This is back when everything did not have a Z at the end.) This is a tough neighborhood, let me tell you. Some would call it a ghetto and some of the houses would certainly qualify. Lots of crime, lots of gangs, lots of parents who don't care.

So I'm talking to R and N. They had taken two children, ages 4 and 5, to a nearby Chuck E Cheese earlier that day. We talk about what it was like, and basically I hear a 15 minute diatribe about the atrocious parenting skills they found there. The complaints are about specific families, not one group or another, but all the families talked about are black. This mother watched her child push my niece off the merry-go-round and said nothing. That child kept pushing my son. I had to stop another child, age 8, who was beating a younger boy senseless. Another mother was looking at me, waiting for me to reprimand her misbehaving child so that she would have an excuse to come tell me off. This is the kind of thing I'm being told. And N says, "These black people, they didn't even care about watching their kids."

(Personally, I think Chuck E Cheese attracts bad parents of all races and ethnicities; I've seen a family of Mexican immigrants in that same restaurant (same location) start an argument with a black woman who was being a good parent and telling her own child to get off a ride so that the next person in line could have a turn. Same thing happens at Chuck E Cheeses all over Houston. Basically you have an enclosed location with games and pizza and a system implemented to keep children from being kidnapped whether you are watching your kids or not. It is an invitation to turn your kids loose without supervision while you sit at a table and enjoy a couple of slices. This is enticing to neglectful parents who are sick of their kids screaming about random stuff in an attempt to get attention. Some very violent kids are left to their own devices for two whole hours or more. Which is why I no longer take my children there.)

Do you see it? Do you see the social and racial prejudice at work, even among those who know better than to say The N Word? Do you see where it comes from?

There is an attitude about black people, I think, that the people of my aunt's and cousins' neighbohood have developed as a result of living near a group of people who have proven themselves to be examples of social deviance. Is this accepted stereotype an accurate example of black people in general? No. I don't even think it's an accurate example of the entire population of Fifth Ward. It is, however, an example of how the behavior of a small group of people affect the perceptions others have of a larger group. It is the reason why we all need to strive to be better people. We need to educate ourselves against having prejudices, but we also need to not spur new ones on with our own bad behavior. Stereotypes, however wrong they are, are rooted in a grain of truth. The best way to conquer stereotypes is not live up to them.

Signs in Houston

The other night as I was driving to a Cub Scout parent's house, I passed one of those little taco stands on wheels. There are a LOT of these in Houston, particularly in lower income areas. This one caught my eye because of its name: Taqueria La Panza Feliz. Translation: The Happy Belly Taco Stand. Seriously, how can you not love a little food stand or casual eatery that calls itself The Happy Belly? If it hadn't been dark out, I probably would have stopped there and had a couple of fajita tacos.

Insomniac Movie Review: Yours, Mine & Ours (the remake)

Yours, Mine, & Ours (2005) Starring Dennis Quaid as the Admiral/Dad and Rene Russo as the "free-spirited" (read: modern hippie) Mom, with Rip Torn as the Commandant and Linda Hunt (remember that short little principal in Kindergarten Cop? Yeah, her!) as the family domestic assistant

MPAA Rating: PG

Again I say, Not As Good As The Original.

But then, the original had Lucille Ball. You can't expect just anybody to walk in and fill Lucille's shoes. So it's okay. Also, the original comes off a bit dated now (which it is), so some of the jokes don't seem quite as funny. Also: the original has more focus on the parents and how they relate to each other and the new children. The remake has more focus on the kids, how they get along (or don't) with each other, etc., with parental focus being mainly on differences of opinion about child-rearing and soothing the nerves of their own children (but only the youngest ones).

Do not misunderstand: I did like this movie. It was cute in some places, silly in others, and it's always nice to see children and teenagers feuding in a non-violent way before learning to get along by ganging up on someone else in an equally non-violent way.

Also a plus for the kids: plenty of slapstick humor. Maybe not an adult's idea of smart cinema, but it's still funny to see all the weird stuff that ends up all over Dennis Quaid. Poor guy, I hope he got paid extra for all that. Especially the stuff with the pig. (I'm not even kidding. You'd think actors would say "No, I draw the line," but evidently swine kisses are on this side of Quaid's line.)

Unfortunately, it seems as if parts of the story that should have been left in for flow are left out for time constraints. I understand that; you don't want the movie to drag on and on. But it just seems like...something is missing, I guess. The story suffers for it. And you can feel it in the way the movie is edited. I'd have expected a little better from director Raja Gosnell, but my expectations are higher because I loved Scooby Doo 2 (which he also directed). Then again, I suppose I should blame the editor.

One more complaint: Most directors understand that when filming, it's important to make sure that your leads look beautiful/handsome at all times, unless they're part of a sight gag involving whipped cream or similar. Unfortunately, there is one scene in particular when Rene Russo (who really is a lovely woman), just looks awful. This is especially bad because it is clearly a scene in which she is supposed to look stunning, but the lighting highlights the lines in her face. I suppose it's because the scene was filmed outside (at least I think it was) and direct sunlight is nobody's friend. Still, there are lighting tricks you'd think Raja Gosnell would have pulled out of his hat. Since it is supposed the be this "Big Moment" in the film, in which Admiral Dad falls in love with Hippie Mom, it's kind of important that she look good. (Yeah, you can call me shallow for this. I know it seems that way. But you can learn a thing or two from listening to the director's commentary of Gary Marshall movies, which are always fabulous, and this is one of those things.)

So, other than a few minor complaints, I would say overall that this is a good movie to watch with your family. Also: rent the original (available on Netflix). Very cute, fun movies, both of these. (But really, how can Rene Russo hope to fill Lucy's shoes, even if she does have red hair?)

Insomniac Movie Review: Bad News Bears (the remake)

Bad News Bears, starring Billy Bob Thornton (the drunken coach), with Greg Kinnear (the jerk coach who cares more about winning than about including everyone or even rewarding kids for all their hard work with some acknowledgement) and Academy Award winner(!) Marcia Gay Harden (who plays the character that gets under your skin the most and clearly has no clue what is going on in the rest of the movie).

MPAA Rating: PG-13, and they aren't kidding about it, either

I'll be very honest with you.

It was funny. I won't deny that I laughed at it, in spite of (or because of) the fact that dead rats and possums were involved. But really, there are some things that just should not be encouraged. And letting a bunch of 12-year-old kids call each other and the adults around them "dickweed" and "assface" is one of those things.

This movie is designed to appeal to pubescent, smartalec boys, and to whatever demographic it is that pays money to see movies about children participating in team sports while compensating for inadequacy by swearing and fighting before they get around to actually practicing what it is they were so bad at in the first place. I don't know what that demographic is, exactly, but I suspect it is the parents of the pubescent, smartalec boys, who have to shlep their kids to the movie theater or video store. And, um, me. Because the trailer looked funny, but it didn't include the word "bitches." I was tricked, I tell you! I thought it was going to be a good family movie. My mistake, I realize, but I don't remember the original having quite this many curse words.

For this reason, I suggest that you not let your kids under 12 watch this movie. I also think my 14-year-old sis-in-law doesn't need to see this, since she's mouthy enough as it is, but it's not like this movie will teach her any new cuss words that she hasn't already learned in school. (Your taxes at work, folks.)

The rest of this is spoilery, so don't read if you don't want to be spoiled!

I also do not recommend it for under-12s because there are some women showing off serious cleavage. And because the coach sleeps with a player's mom (they don't show it, but they show the conversation that leads up to it, and the coach trying to sneak out the morning after). And you really don't want to explain that to your nine-year-old, why you're laughing when the Toby catches Coach leaving the house and Coach has to make up some excuse. You probably don't want to explain it to your 12-year-old, either, but you probably won't have to, since by that age they've already seen the fifth-grade movie and stolen Dad's dirty magazines that Mom didn't even know about, so they kind of already know what's going on.

So, yeah. Cussing. Cleavage. Drinking. Little League Baseball. Perfect for your teenage kids.

Drama, and why it's not all it's cracked up to be

You know how all the movies that were nominated for Best Picture Oscars this year were these big social or political dramas? And all the "best shows" on TV are things like The O.C. and Gilmore Girls and their various knock-offs? Yeah, well as exciting as it is to watch dramas at the theater or on TV, it sure as hell sucks when the drama starts knocking on your door. Or, as in my case, calling you endlessly on the phone.

Without going into too many private details, I will tell you that this drama comes to me courtesy of my in-laws and their inability to get along and/or agree on how to discipline Bizarro Dad's youngest sibling, 14-year-old N. Apparently my mother-in-law cannot even bring herself to correct this child when she mouths off to people, let alone remember that the girl is supposed to be grounded already and is therefore not allowed to do certain things, go certain places, or visit a certain boyfriend at his home. There's more to it, but basically the problem is compounded by the fact that all of these people live together on the same property, which belongs to the oldest sibling, E, and her husband. So that's E and her husband, N, my mother-in-law, my brother-in-law J, and E's two kids (both younger than N).

The petty and not-so-petty arguments have been ongoing for years now, and E has finally had enough. She called me last night to talk. She asked me for my opinion about the situation with her mother and other siblings. I made the mistake of giving it to her. This, I can see, is where I went wrong, because it got my husband and me involved in the argument on a level we had previously been avoiding. There are other factors here which I will not go into detail about, but which do explain why E would call me in the first place, and why she felt we had the right to know what was going on.

So anyway, the call came it at around nine-ish, I guess. About 90 million phone calls later, and there was total upheaval at E's house, and suddenly my mother-in-law decided she is taking N and moving in with N's best friend's family (yeah, because they want to be in the middle of this s***), and my husband had stayed up until 1 AM trying to sort this out and hear everyone's side of the story and figure out who is lying, when really he should have been in bed hours before because he needed to be at work at 3:30 AM.

For a few hours there it looked like we might even have N move in with us, but apparently neither she nor her mother feel comfortable with this arrangement. It seems that my mother-in-law doesn't want me (or anyone, I guess, including her own self) telling her 14-year-old daughter what to do, or how to act, or to stop speaking disrepectfully, or whatever it is that she thinks I'm going to tell a child who is living under my roof.

You know what? I have too much other stuff going on in my life without my in-laws adding to it. I don't blame E at all, because God knows she's put up with a whole world of problems on her mom's account already, and it's taking a toll on her health, her education, and most of all her marriage. I can say this here, I guess: I am inclined to believe E's side of the story. We have all caught her mother in too many lies over the years. My husband maintains that we have no way to verify the truth of all the he said/she said that is going on over there. "Well my husband said that J said that Mom said..." How is anyone supposed to sort that out? He has a point. Short of spending every waking moment at E's, we have no way to discern for ourselves what actually happened.

Now that we've gotten involved, my husband is all kinds of upset. He wants to help, but he doesn't want to take sides. And since his mother has taken the position of not-wanting-her-kid-under-my-roof, and N has taken a similar position (as far as we know), Bizarro Dad says he is not going to force that child to stay here and then have her run away and get knocked up or something.

So I guess after all that, we're just...not doing anything. I WANT to do something, but I can't help N if she won't let me. We can't afford a lawyer for a custody battle, and nobody wants to put N through that anyway.

See, this drama stuff? Entertaining when it's happening onscreen. Sucks major a$$ when it's happening all around you.

The unexpected benefits of Frank Sinatra

My brother-in-law, J, has recently moved to Houston (as I believe I've mentioned not too long ago). He, like my husband, served in the Marine Corps for a number of years. Unlike my husband, he was sent to Iraq and Afghanistan (if memory serves). He was, in point of fact, a tank driver.

I think you can imagine what it was he had to do. What I still cannot imagine are all the terrible things he saw, including holding his dying lieutenant in his arms and screaming for help that never came. I pray for my brother-in-law, who escaped death so many times, that he might recover from his nightmare.

Bizarro Dad learned this weekend, when he and his brother went paintballing (yeah, I caved on the paintball gun, because I love my man, and because we got our income tax return), that his little brother now has a strange affinity for Frank Sinatra.

Understand: J is the same age as my little brother, 24. My brother the professional rapper. Yeah, I know not all people in the same generation like the same genre of music, but I think I can safely say that most guys in this particular generation are not big Sinatra fans. J certainly wasn't before he left for boot camp. But he is now.

Apparently, when the guys were in the tank, three of them crowded into a tiny space, shooting the hell out of whoever was shooting at them, the stress was so great that the gunny (Gunnery Sergeant) had to do whatever was necessary to keep the men calm.

So he made them listen to Sinatra. While firing.

Evidently it had a very calming effect, and the men were able to concentrate on doing their job and not getting killed. I guess it worked for J, since he's home safe now.

And he also has one or two Sinatra CDs in his car. It keeps him calm, he says.

I wonder: does he need to be kept calm because he's driving and doesn't want a flashback, or does he need to be kept calm right before a paintball game so that he doesn't flip out and start really trying to hurt people?

Either way, as horrified as I was by the story, I am all for giving J another Sinatra CD as a gift, so that he can have more song options to keep himself as close to tranquil as possible. He's living with his sister for now, and she has two children at home. Soon he'll get an apartment and bring his son to live with him. I'm thinking that Sinatra might prove to be crucial to his sanity.

Survey shmurvey

Taken from Nilo the Great, who took it from someone else, who is part of the continuous cycle of surveys that float around this thing we call the internet.

1.Have you ever been searched by the cops?
No.

2. Do you close your eyes on roller coasters?
I don't ride roller coasters. But when I was younger and did ride them, I only closed my eyes when there was dirt in them, or if there was water involved.

3. When was the last time you went sleigh riding?
We don't have sleighs on the Gulf Coast. Nor do we have snow.

4. Would you rather sleep with someone else, or alone?
I'd rather sleep with my husband, and only him. Lately, however, the four-year-old has been in our bed, and this is something I can do without.

5. Do you believe in ghosts?
Yes, but I prefer to call them spirits.

6. Do you consider yourself creative?
Yes.

7. Do you think O.J. killed his wife?
Duh. Of course he did.

8. Jennifer Aniston or Angelina Jolie?
I'm not sure where this question is going, since I'm straight, but I'm going to say Angelina Jolie, since she has range, and because she uses her celebrity status to promote good causes and not to mitch and bone about how she's been done wrong by a man.

9. Can you honestly say you know anything about politics?
Just enough to know that politics is really about one thing: power.

10. Do you know how to play poker?
Learned how at the age of seven. Gambling was a family tradition! My great-grandmother was a gambler. However, while I may know the rules of the game, I am not any good at poker, and I personally don't gamble.

11. Have you ever been awake for 48 hours straight?
I'm sure I have. It was probably in high school, when I was studying my butt off.

12. Do you kill bugs that are in the house?
If it's a roach, I scream until my husband comes to kill it. If it's a cricket, I catch it and release it outside (maybe even feed it to a frog), because my mother always said it's bad to kill a cricket in your house. If it's a spider, I either squish it or let it run away, unless it's a really BIG spider, in which case I scream again.

13. Have you ever cheated on a test?
Yes, in high school, but not with a cheat sheet. My eyes wandered. I hate that I did that.

14. If you're driving in the middle of the night, and no one is around, do you go through red lights?
In this town, there is always someone around, even in the middle of the night. But if I'm in a scary neighborhood and I see some scary people approaching, then yeah, I would probably run the red light, but cautiously.

15. Do you have a secret that no one knows but you?
Doesn't everybody?

16. Boston Red Sox or New York Yankees?
Houston Astros!

17. Have you ever ice skated?
Yes. Once. Never again.

18. How often do you remember your dreams?
Sometimes.

19. When was the last time you laughed so hard you were crying?
A few months ago. I think a movie cracked me up. Or maybe I was watching House?

20. Can you name 5 songs by The Beatles?
Strawberry Field, Yellow Submarine, She Loves You, Yesterday, Penny Lane

21. Do you believe in love at first sight?
Not for me, no. I don't deny that it can happen for others, though.

22. Do you know who BaBa Booey is?
What kind of stupid question is this? Is this supposed to gauge how old I am or something?

23. Do you always wear your seat belt?
Damn skippy I do.

24. What talent do you wish you had?
To run and not be weary.

25. Do you like Sushi?
Only the California rolls.

26. Have you ever narrowly avoided a fatal accident?
More than once.

27. What do you wear to bed?
If it's hot, just a few light clothes. If it's cold, sweats. If it doesn't matter because I'm too exhausted to care, I sleep in whatever I was wearing that day.

28. Have you ever been caught stealing?
Never.

29. Does size matter?
Sure it does, if you're trying to reach a burned out lightbulb on the ceiling, or move a large piece of furniture through a small door, or make sure you have enough chicken in the freezer to feed a family of six.

30. Do you truly hate anyone?
If I could hate anyone, there is one person in particular who I'd hate. If I ever saw him again, I don't know what I'd do, exactly. Maybe I'd have enough restraint to just turn my back on him and walk away without speaking. Or maybe I'd slap him. I don't really know, to tell you the truth. I don't know how I could ever express to him how he wounded me. Maybe I'd just ask him how he feels about having a millstone tied to his neck while being cast into the sea.

31. Rock and Roll or Rap?
Rock and Roll for me, but I'd always keep a special place in my heart for my brother's rap.

32. Do you have a relative in prison?
I have over a hundred cousins on my dad's side alone. Odds are I do have a relative in prison.

33. Have you ever sung in front of the mirror like your favorite singer?
Yes.

34. Do you know how to play chess?
Know the rules, know how the pieces move, but other than that I'm not any better at chess than I am at poker.

35. What food do you find disgusting?
There's a whole section over at The Sneeze called "Steve! Don't Eat It!" Now that is some disgusting stuff. Other than that, I am disgusted by pretty much all pickled pig products.

36. Did you ever play, "I'll show you mine, if you show me yours?"
No way!

37. Have you ever made fun of your friends behind their back?
I've done it to their faces. As they have done to me.

38. Have you ever stood up for someone you hardly knew?
To tell you the truth, I don't remember.

39. Have you ever been punched in the face?
No.

40. When is the last time you threw up from drinking too much?
Never.

41. Have you ever walked out on a movie at the theater?
No, but there's one I wish I had walked out on.

42. Do you ever sit through a bad movie, just to see how bad it got?
If it's that bad, then I just stop watching and put something else on. (For example, Christmas with the Kranks. Terrible. I couldn't bring myself to finish it.)

43. Would you consider yourself obsessed with anything/anyone?
Books. Definitely books.

44. Have you ever met someone famous?
I met John Bytheway once. Also, a congressman. That's about the extent of my experience with meeting famous people.

45. Have you ever been stood up?
Yes. On my birthday. By the guy who was supposed to be my best friend. Thank you very much for reminding me.

46. When's the last time you screamed at the top of your lungs?
Four years ago. Those were some mean baby blues.

47. Did you ever do something that you didn't want to, but did anyway just to fit in?
Yeah. I went to some large social gatherings because my friends were going. Truth be told, I cannot stand large groups of strange people. It makes me very nervous and sick.

Post-Oscar Post

Let's just come right out and say it.

The following people were sexy:

• George Clooney
• Heath Ledger
• Michelle Williams
• Salma Hayek
• Jake Gyllenhaal
• Jennifer Garner
• Rachel Weisz (yeah, I said it! Pregnant women are sexy and kick ass!)
• Nicole Kidman
• Jon Stewart (I think the grey hair is sexy)

The following people whould rethink their wardrobe:

• Charlize Theron
• Dolly Parton (she's actually quite pretty, but that white suit she performed in just made her look strange)
• Three 6 Mafia
• Ben Stiller

The following people need to shut the hell up:

• Joan Rivers
• I was going to think of more people here, but... Joan Rivers.

The following people get bonus points:

• Dolly Parton, for telling Joan Rivers, "Well, are yours real?" Yeah! Stick it to her, Dolly!
• Jon Stewart, for pulling off a difficult hosting job with grace, and for making fun of all the montages
• The Wallace and Gromit guys, for bringing matching bow-ties for their Oscars
• George Clooney, for that acceptance speech
• Reese Witherspoon, for thanking her parents in full, and not in passing
• The Academy, for not letting one movie sweep the whole thing

Ow. And hee! And ew.

So yesterday I'm trying to clean the living room, which isn't going so well since I'm still all congested and the kids are all screamy and the husband's all "You got me sick, so I'm going to play Guild Wars, which is what I do when I'm well, too."

Congestion is perhaps my least favorite part of being sick. It's just gross, is what it is! It gets all up in my ears, and I can hear it mucking around in there. It finds its way into my sinus cavities, causing everything from teary eyes to monster headaches to ridiculous toothaches. Stuffy nose makes it difficult to sleep and breath at the same time. And it's impossible to be attractive when I'm runny-nosed. Just...NO!

So anyway, yesterday as I'm trying to clear away the baby's food tray and whatnot, I realize that I need to blow my nose. Ick. So I grab the nearest fast-food napkin from the table and pause to take care of business.

Evidently, there is a reason that old episode of Sesame Street warned me not to blow too hard. But no, I had to be all superior at five years old and say that Sesame Street didn't know what it was talking about, and then carry forth this brazen disregard into adulthood. I should have just listened to the stupid cartoon, or at least sat down first.

I fainted, people.

Yeah. Fainted. I know. It was embarassing, or it would have been if I'd been conscious. I collapsed sideways onto the rug, my body making sure to hit its head on the hard floor instead of twisting about four more inches to the right and letting the recliner break my fall. Yeah, fun.

So my question: why did I faint?

My only clues are a) that when I blew my nose, it felt like something wet flew out of my left ear (gross) and b) when I sat down and performed the Valsalva maneuver, I had a similar feeling of wet stuff flying out of my ear, and then a similar feeling of the room going all swimmy and dark. Good thing I was sitting down that time.

So now we have a new house rule: I'm not allowed to blow my nose while standing up. This is an addition to the previous rule, which states that my husband is not allowed to sneeze while sitting in the computer chair with his feet propped up higher than his waist (long, painful story).

In the meantime, I'm trying to get some rest and not drive anywhere. I think I got a mild concussion or something, because I'm still having pain and dizziness today. (Not to mention congestion.)